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When the child witnesses fights and arguments between parents at an early age, they will feel anguished and even guilty about what happens.
On our site we tell you how parental arguments affect children and what we can do to avoid feeling fear, frustration or anguish.
At the age of 3 or 4, the child has learned a series of behaviors that help him get what he wants and that are part of his childhood personality. As the child grows, new challenges appear in the relationship with his parents and siblings, at school with his teachers and classmates, and also with the children with whom he shares his game in the park. All of these situations help you mature and strengthen your character.
At this age, parents play an essential role in helping their children to relate to others. Parents can teach children to recognize their emotions, to talk about them, and to deal with them. If parents ignore fear, anguish, anger or frustration in the child, the child will miss a fantastic opportunity to recognize and identify them.
When the child names what he feels, he learns to understand himself better and to calm down, not getting carried away by emotion. If the mother or father punishes their child for not obeying, the child may feel sad for having upset his parents or he may be angry because they do not let him do what he wants. If we ask him, are you sad or angry? You will know how to tell us what is wrong with you and we will understand you better.
The child does not understand the world of adults. If at a very young age the child witnesses fights between the parents, it is very likely that he will feel distressed and try to find out what what is happening means to him. The child may think "this is my fault", or "my parents are going to get divorced and what is going to happen to me?" This situation will cause you great discomfort and you will find a way to intervene to reduce your distress:
- One strategy could be to try to mediate so that their parents do not argue. If the child achieves his goal, he would become the reconciler of his parents, the person who offers them support, reversing the role as the son assumes a role that does not correspond to him, that of father.
- A second strategy the child might use is to display problem behavior. that distracts parents from the focus of the conflict.
- A third option could be to avoid the situation by taking refuge in the game, in the study or in any other activity. If one of the older siblings has already assumed one of these roles: the peacemaker, the troublemaker, the cheerleader, or the avoider, the younger child will have to play a different one.
It is important to remember that a strategy that may work in the short term in one situation with one type of person may not be appropriate in the long term in other situations. In conflict situations between the parents, the child does what he can to relieve tension; Nevertheless, the strategies you use may not help you in the future. For example, attacks of anger or crying can cause problems for the child at school, they can be rejected by their classmates and receive reproaches and / or disapproval from the teacher.
Research shows parents differ in how they handle conflict:
- Some follow destructive patterns, using threats, hostile expressions and insults.
- Other couples show more beneficial behaviors, talking about the problem but showing affection, support, a sense of humor; the important thing is to look for a solution instead of a culprit.
When parents solve their differences in a more constructive way, children show less anguish, in addition to learning how affection, good humor and facing problems contribute to solving them, maintaining a good family atmosphere. These homes guarantee the safety and happiness of the children.
You can read more articles similar to Parent Discussions: How They Affect Children, in the category of Relationship on site.